Tear Ducts
by LastRain
Summary: The cycle of life was unpreventable. I couldn't do anything as his life slips away from me... [One shot][NasuSasu]


Tear Ducts

The last time I saw him, was at his 25th birthday party. Sakura had insisted on the idea even though we both knew he was going to hate it no matter how magnificent it was. I went along with the planning out of hostility than anything else. To tell the truth, I was really disappointed that he was going to spend his birthday with everyone else. For a long time, I just wanted to call him out and spend the time together, just the two of us. The occasion never came, and I had regretted it more than anything.

The party went well though, everyone that were contacted came, and the gifts were abundant. He smiled throughout the whole thing, and I knew he appreciated our effort. Even though the party lacked class, and it took a little out of us to prepare everything, it was enough for him. A simple, plain, get-together, suited him the best.

He will always be him, I had realized. He hadn't complained about the lack of closure, he didn't say anything when the cheap stereo had broken down in the middle of the party, and he was genuinely thankful for everything. However unlike him, however I despised the idea of him looking at anyone else other than myself, I was going to enjoy this with him even if it made me unhappy.

I watched him smile like a little kid when he came in the room, and everyone swarmed around him. He was always like that, drawing people relentless despite anything.

But when they would break away, he would seek for my eyes desperately, and only my eyes alone. Trying to find me in the crowd of people, like I guaranteed him composure and reassurance.

It's times like this, that I loved him. Like a little child that would be completely defenseless without me. It made me wonder sometimes in life, how I could ever go on without his ridiculous, but cute insecurity, and his need to always seek for acceptance.

Something throughout the years, that I've grown so used to, and couldn't imagine myself being the same if he were to change. '_It was always about him'_, this silly realization every time I'm faced with something.

It made me wonder, about the millions of possibilities, that if they were to occur, how would I deal with it without him by my side.

It was an instinct, rather. Ration or knowledge has nothing to do with this pang of passion, burning vividly in my heart. Whenever I look at him, my heart thumps with anticipation, like I expected him to read my thoughts. Like I wanted him to know how much I've grown to love him through the years. My essential for living...

That day, everyone sang happy birthday, and the party had ended well. I didn't move, didn't say anything as people gathered around him, teasing him about the many birthday traditions like grade school kids. His eyes were alive then, something I don't normally get to see. But on that day, when his eyes really were filled with life, I had felt a bad omen. I'm not someone who normally believes in superstitions, like fate or whatnot, but I _had_ felt it in that instant.

_It felt like my Sasuke would be taken away from me..._

The hours paced with steady beat, and people dissolved. Sasuke was left behind with a big load of junk that we were supposed to clean up. He didn't complain about all the work, he didn't even complain about the long passed out Sakura laying on the couch.

I had smirked when I saw his perplexed expression, faced with the mountains of mess surrounding the room. I felt helpful then, that's why I even bothered helping. In the end though, it was still Sakura who had to clean up. To disturb her from her sleep because of our "_lack of sophistication_" as Sakura had worded.

By the time everything ended, it was already 2 o'clock. Everything felt a lot more quieter than usual, an uncanny silence that made me restless, like a reminder of the bad omen I felt earlier. But I had overlooked my sense, running away from negative thoughts. So like me... Maybe it was because I needed to escape, and that this feeling scared me, that I wanted to leave so badly.

Hurriedly, I said goodbye to Sakura and the unconscious Lee sprawled on the carpeted floor. A pang of remorse hit my chest as I remembered my business trip the next day. Being with friends has become almost a dream in the last few years, even for Sasuke...But I had managed to pull through despite their disproving eyes, because in the end, my comfort lies within Sasuke's gentle gaze.

I didn't want to leave alone, that would be completely classless. And a part of me was unhappy, because I didn't get to spend anytime with him alone. What an unromantic night, I had realized. When it was his birthday, I had imagined asking him out and having a candlelit dinner like any other cheesy romance movies, but I never did get the chance. Sakura was just scary like that.

I searched for him with my eyes, through the darkness, a loan form was standing beside the window sill, looking out at the moon. It was the last quarter of the phase, imperfect and somewhat sad. I was startled even at myself for my almost poetic view of the night sky. But I guess Sasuke and Sakura were always rubbing off on me even if we are apart most of the time.

I silently walked beside him, and lightly held his hand. Sasuke didn't revert his eyes, the only notion of him noticing my existence was the tightening of his fingers around my own. His hand felt warm in mine, and I wanted to preserve this warmness. We hardly ever displayed affection before other's prying eyes, but in this darkness, it was comforting. Just being with him makes me a little breathless, a little clingy, ...and possessive.

It was because I didn't want to delay our separation any longer, it'll only make it even more lonely when we do part. I gently pulled him away from his position and walked out of the door. His eyes were casted downward, the perfection of his normally lifeless orb lost it's shine. I had find it strange when I became almost obsessive with his apathetic eyes. It had managed to drown me with it's depth, I lost the battle against love right there.

It was strange, we weren't really dating, but we both knew we loved the other. It was a silly thing to assume, I know. But the way he looks at me makes it hard not to understand. He isn't one to put love on display, he also isn't someone who would purposely hide it either. It was just that he doesn't know how to express this love. I didn't mind though, as long as I'm his only exception.

Sasuke was purposely walking faster, trying to get to the car before I can. Like a little kid who sulks when it was time to part, so like him. I stopped him though, just as stubborn as he was. I pressed his shoulders against a random car window, praying the alarm was set off. The coldness was no doubt seeping through the thin fabric of his jacket. He frowned at me and struggled to get away. Don't get me wrong, he isn't weak, not at all. I was just strong.

When he would look at me with desperation, is the only other time I like better than his cold, dead eyes. I smirked at him when he flushed red at my advancement, and visibly tensed under my touch. I ruffled his hair and smiled at him before telling him it isn't always about sulking. He stared at me with this unreadable expression on his beautiful face, and all I can think to do was smile.

Maybe it was five seconds after, but it felt so fast it left me feeling dizzy. Like a time machine, going fast forward with great intensity, and the next thing I know, his lips crushed mine. He pulled me down to his height and kissed me. He was probably expecting that from me before, but I moved away.

We hardly ever kiss, only when the situation was really worth the celebration. It's uncanny if you think about it, we aren't lovers, but we aren't just friends either. It's maybe because a part of us knew dating would be too much commitment, and that none of us could spare the effort to do this kind of leisure things. The gap between us will never get closer, we had realized. But it won't grow further either. It's just a part of us, knowing that it's enough for us to just love the other, unconditionally and irrevocably.

Sasuke didn't make the first initiative of breaking away from our heart breaking kiss. It was because I needed air that we broke apart. He looked at me with clouded eyes, and I fell for him all over again. He holds the strings to my heart, twisting it around his fingers. With a smile, a touch, a kiss, I'm his from the beginning all over again. Without even trying to have an affect on me, his every action tingles my every senses. Uncontrollably.

I took his hand and walked off, finding my car in the parking lot seemed to be quite difficult. He followed along, quietly trying to keep up with my long strides. Locating my black Lexus in the darkness, I opened the door for Sasuke to step inside. We sat together in silence, trying to get used to the cold, and the thought of starting the engine to heat up never occurred to me once. It was until I noticed my own fatigue, that I started the car.

The road I'm driving along is quiet and sort of lonely. I can see the reflection of our shadowy form against the rain puddle. It appeared to me as if the silhouette was a reminder to the bad omen, it grates on me. I looked over at Sasuke's tired face, and smiled. He was sitting with half closed lids, and clearly trying to suppress the sleep. I decided to talk to keep him awake just for a little longer.

We talked about many things, from our days together at high school, and the separation from college. I even brought up the forbidden subject from a long time ago, about how Sasuke used to date Sakura in grade 8. Everything felt like an millennium ago, and it made me feel strangely nostologic.

The car is going at an exceptional speed, I'm sure I'll get a ticket for speeding if it were during daylight. But because it's already 3 in the morning, I'm sure no cops would be energetic enough to stop us. I was desperate from the exertion, and my limbs felt like they were made of fabric. He was beside me, dosing off just as much as I was, but the only thing is, he isn't driving. It wasn't his responsibility if we were to die from a crash, and he needn't to keep constant watch of our surroundings despite the darkness.

Even until this day, I still blame myself for what happened that night. I hate myself with an intensity for ever losing this beautiful angel, sitting silently beside me. It was something unpredictable, something I would never allow it to happen if I knew, something that tear at my heart even to this day.

The car was driving peacefully a second ago, and I was totally unprepared of this light that suddenly hit my eyes. It was a sudden impulse, because thinking never came through in a moment of panic. I stepped on the brake so hard it felt like my life depended on it. The car jolted forward, threatening to shake me from my seat. The only protection from death was the seat belt secured tightly around my body.

But a milli second after that, a large crash sounded beside me. The sound pierced at my ears, like everything had ended with that single shattering sound of broken glass. It had occurred to me a second afterwards, that Sasuke never did secure his seat belt. The motorcycle stopped in front of me, and all I can do is to blank out.

The windshield was shattered into countless pieces, glass was everywhere. And to my greatest horror of all, the seat beside me was empty. Slowly, the realization hit me like a huge, overwhelming pang of panic and despair, at that second, I forgot to breath.

I sprinted from the car, searching frantically for his familiar form amidst the havoc. When I spotted his lifeless body, laying on the ground, with blood everywhere around him, it felt like my life had ended. I screamed, I wasn't even aware of my own voice until I vaguely heard the desperation resounding in the empty air.

_I ran to him, and it felt like the distance would stretch every time I took another step. _

When I finally reached his body, pain overtook my soul. There weren't much scratch or even harm done to his body otherwise, it was just one long gush along his face, running diagonally, it extended to his neck and chest. The number of wounds are minimal, but that one long, deep wound, was fatal. It had occurred to me, that no matter how much I do, how fast the ambulance would get here on time, I wouldn't be able to save him. Blood was everywhere, seeping into my clothes as I held his upper body with tenderness I've never known existed within me before.

His body was limb, I held it like a glass flower, so fragile that it felt like it would break with just a little contact. Tears were blurring my views, and he clutched to me with every little bit of strength he had left. I just stared at his beautiful face despite the horrifying cut along his features, and even though tainted by his own blood, he was still beautiful.

I desperately tried to calm my breathing, to refrain from screaming, and to steadily hold onto him, reassuring his own life. He didn't feel pain, I noted. It was a strangely calm expression on his face that frightened me.

Throughout the whole thing, I screamed for an ambulance even though they were already contacted a few minutes ago. But it felt like just by doing this, at least I'm not doing nothing as his life slips away from me. He was the most important, and nothing else rivaled with this in that instant.

"Naruto," his voice was breathless, and it felt like the remaining part of my heart was being trampled on even more, never hearing his voice again, would kill me.

"Oh, god, Sasuke-I'm right here." I assured him through my endless tears, and my voice sounded like a hallow echo, shaky and lifeless. He tried to speak, but the life is being drawn out of him, and all I can make out was a simple 'hold me'. Was that his last request from me? I wondered with vague interest, because in that moment, I held onto him like it's the last string of my sanity.

Even as he died, and blood was everywhere, he didn't ask for anything else but my presence. I guess death was always this anticlimactic. I don't think he knew he was going to die, he must have thought he was going to be saved somehow, because I was there with him...

The only indication of this tender life dying in front of me, was the slowness of his breath, and the decreasing pace of his heart beat. His eyes closed, and his face looked like it was a thousand years old. Even as he stopped breathing, this heart wrenching love never did decrease in intensity, I still loved him like it was my sole reason for surviving. And with every beat of my own heart, I wished for it to be transferred so that it was him living and not myself.

_I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..._ If only I could repeat it over and over again, if only I could say it enough times so that I would get tired from saying it forever, and for him to hear my voice calling out to him, would be enough for everything...

It was in that instant, that the searing pain awoke me from my dream. When I woke up with a wet pillow and the incessant beeping of the alarm clock, that I became aware of my own position. I was lying in my usual bed, and the memory from all those years ago still made me restless. I looked around the room and noticed it was hardly day break. I groaned and fell back into my soft pillows, trying to enjoy sleep for a few more minutes.

Though, I know unconsciousness would be a bliss from this torment I go through even after 15 years later. But it'd be impossible for me to go back to sleep after I had woken up, it's the complex of any adults. And even as I stayed awake, the image burning behind my eyelids was still that beautiful face I remembered it to be. This dream continuously haunts me, with a greater intensity every time. And my heart would never heal, because the wound would be torn open with each passing day that I still remember him.

His image was the most clear, and the love will never burn out. Even after 15 years later, even after I had started my own family, with a beautiful wife, and two wonderful children, it was still him that matters the most. Because it was him all along, that I envisioned, dreamed, wanted...

Even after 15 years later, when Hinata would hug me as I go to work, and when my two children would come to me, excited to have gotten an A+ in an assignment, it was still always him...

_Sasuke, I want you... _

_Sasuke, I need you... _

_Sasuke, I love you..._

A/N: This accident was actually a real story. It happened with my mother's friend when her husband died in a car crush the same way Sasuke died. And as he died, all he asked was for his wife to hold him.

I cried when I heard the story, and I just thought I had to write about it somehow. I really hope you liked it, because it had taken me quite a while to revise and recheck.

Thank you for reading it anyways, I know Sasuke was OOC in this... but please cope with me...


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